The rehearsal dinner comes with more unwritten rules than almost any other wedding event. Who is supposed to host it? Who pays? Does everyone at the dinner get to give a speech?
The old rules were simple. Today, most families mix and match. Here is what the traditions are, how families actually handle them now, and how to keep the evening easy for everyone. (For timing, guest list and booking, see our guide to how to plan the rehearsal dinner.)
Who traditionally hosts
By tradition, the groom’s family hosts the rehearsal dinner, while the bride’s family hosts the wedding. That split still works for plenty of families.
It is far from the only option now. Many couples host it themselves. Some families split it down the middle. Sometimes a grandparent or another relative offers to host as a gift. None of these is wrong. What matters is that everyone agrees early, before anyone books a room or orders invitations.
How families split the cost
The host usually pays, but “host” and “payer” don’t have to be the same person. Common arrangements:
- One family pays. Simple, and the most traditional.
- Both families split it. Often 50/50, or one side covers the meal and the other covers the bar.
- The couple pays and family chips in. A parent might cover a set amount toward the total.
At Fleur de Lis Event Center, more than one person can make payments toward the same event, as long as each payment is clearly marked with the event name and date. That makes a shared bill easy to manage without one person fronting everything. A Private Restaurant event is reserved with a $500 deposit and a signed contract.
One thing to know up front: here, the rehearsal dinner is booked separately from the wedding. There is no combined package discount, so plan its budget on its own.
Invitations
The rehearsal dinner gets its own invitation, separate from the wedding invitation. Send it a few weeks before the wedding, after wedding RSVPs give you a clear picture of who is coming from out of town. A printed card, an email or a group text can all work. Just make sure the host’s name is on it, so guests know who to thank.
Who gives the toasts
Toasts are common at rehearsal dinners, and they tend to be the most personal of the weekend. Etiquette here is looser than at the reception:
- The host speaks first. A welcome and a thank-you to everyone who traveled.
- The other family usually responds. If the groom’s parents host, the bride’s parents often say a few words next.
- This is the night for people who aren’t speaking at the reception. A sibling, a grandparent or an old friend can have their moment here.
- The couple closes. A short thank-you to both families and the wedding party.
Set the order in advance and ask everyone to keep it short. Five speeches of three minutes each is already 15 minutes.
Gifts for the wedding party
The rehearsal dinner is the traditional time for the couple to give gifts to the wedding party and to their parents. It is a smaller, quieter crowd than the reception, and people have time to open things and say thank you. Plan a few minutes for it after dinner, before the toasts wind down.
Dress code
The host sets the tone. A rehearsal dinner is usually a step less formal than the wedding: cocktail attire or dressy casual is typical. Put a line about it on the invitation so nobody has to guess.
Rehearsal first, then dinner
If your ceremony is at Fleur de Lis, the ceremony rehearsal is an optional add-on: a separate, short practice run. It is currently $150, normally takes about 30 minutes and is fully directed by our staff. You can go straight from the rehearsal to dinner, so the wedding party only has to show up once.
End it at a reasonable hour
The wedding is tomorrow, or the day after. Hosts can set a soft end time on the invitation, and the couple can leave first without anyone taking offense. Some couples move the dinner to two nights before the wedding, so nobody walks into the wedding day short on sleep.
A room that belongs to your group
Our Private Restaurant is booked as a completely private space for up to approximately 100 guests. It has its own entrance, restrooms, bar, front courtyard and covered patio, so toasts and gift-giving don’t happen in front of strangers at the next table.
If your families are planning from Mandeville, Covington, Slidell or anywhere around the Northshore and New Orleans area, call 985-626-9118 to check your date.
Related: How to Plan a Rehearsal Dinner | Private Restaurant | Ceremonies
